Chef: Your Job Is To Lead, Not Be Liked

In the fast-paced, high-pressure world of the kitchen, leadership can feel like a tightrope walk. There's a common misconception, especially among new chefs stepping into leadership roles, that to be a good leader, you need to be "nice" and universally liked. Let's be clear: being nice is not your job.

"Nice" is a subjective, slippery concept. What one person considers "nice," another might see as weak or indecisive. Trying to appeal to everyone's personal definition of "nice" puts you in an impossible position. It shifts the focus from your responsibilities as a leader to an intangible popularity contest, where your performance is judged not by results, but by subjective perceptions of your personality. This "likeable trap" often leads to leaders sacrificing effectiveness in a futile attempt to gain approval.

You're under pressure to manage food costs, improve guest reviews, and develop your team. Do you really think demanding accountability for improvement will always make you "liked"? Many new leaders try to be friends with their team, and in doing so, they often lose respect, diminish their effectiveness, and ultimately fail to meet the very standards they're trying to uphold.

Being labeled "not nice" as a boss is a low-effort insult, often thrown when a leader makes a necessary but unpopular decision. Don't assume every criticism comes from a place of good intention, and more importantly, don't let the fear of this label derail your true purpose.

So, What Is Your Job?

Your job as a chef leader is to be:

• Effective: You know how to get the job done and you lead your team to do the same. This means leading by example, communicating clearly, and consistently achieving excellent results.

  
  

• Respectful: This isn't about being "nice"; it's about integrity. You're self-aware enough to choose your words and actions carefully, treating everyone with professional courtesy. Respect is earned, and it starts with giving it.

  
  

• Empathetic: While you may not have experienced every struggle your team faces, you can choose to understand their perspectives, backgrounds, and opinions. This allows you to show compassion and support, fostering a more understanding and collaborative environment.

  
  

• Reasonable: Be open to suggestions, feedback, and even criticism. Receive them as data points that allow you to evaluate and make necessary adjustments. This doesn't mean you accept every idea, but you objectively consider them.

  
  

• Assertive: This is where true leadership shines. You uphold standards and you hold the line. This means holding your team accountable, but only after you've held yourself accountable. Assertiveness isn't aggression; it's being firm without being passive. When you're doing the hard part of the job—holding others accountable—you will almost certainly not always be liked. And that's okay.

  
  

Lastly, understand that those with less responsibility than you often won't fully grasp the weight you carry. They can't understand it because they don't feel it like you do. There's a fundamental difference between watching someone lift a heavy weight and lifting it yourself.

As a leader, you will carry a significant burden, and you'll often feel alone. But know this: your commitment to being effective, respectful, empathetic, reasonable, and assertive is a powerful combination. It will create an environment that fosters sustained high-level results, and most importantly, it will earn you trust.

Trust is far more valuable than being "liked," and it's certainly not earned by being "nice." Being liked is cheap... earning trust is expensive.